The Distant Moon

So, this girl who was my best friend for the longest time and I are having a rough spot right now.  I've known her since I was freaking 11 or something like that.  My stress?  A couple years back, she got a boyfriend and it took over her life.

I felt completely cut off.  She stopped making any efforts to talk to me, spend time with me, or... anything.  We have known each other for years, and it really, really hurt me.  She is one of the most important people in my life.

The last time I went to see her, after months of not seeing her, I hit a bit of a catch.  She had her boyfriend over when I was expecting it to just be us.

I tried my fucking hardest to ignore the boy lying in her bed in his underwear and just talk to her, but inside, I felt myself getting sick.  As in, a depression sick like I've never known.

I apologized for being weird, but didn't have the words to explain why I was so messed up that night.

I don't blame her for being happy with a boyfriend, and lord knows I overreacted.  It's just the feeling of utter replacement I have when it comes to her.

Look, I know that the one you marry/intend to marry might be more important than your friend, even if she/he is your best friend.  But I'm talking about complete shut off from someone I thought I was important to.

And now, this scenario has replayed in my life, over and over.  It nearly destroyed one friendship, and so far has completely wrecked another (although this one in particular might have been doomed to begin with, judging by the girl.)

So, last night I had two dreams about this girl, that I've always called Tsuki, and I've woken up with renewed vigor to contact her.

Because if sheeee doesn't respond to the text I sent her before Christmas, I can always bite the bullet and call her boyfriend.  I have his number in my phone, for whatever fucking reason.  (I think she may have texted me from it once, idk, but it's freaking ironic to have it in there regardless.)

So., the dreams:

I had a lesbian three way with her and her sister.  I don't remember anything else, sadly.


Woah, now, hold the phone!  What the hell happened there!

Okay, after all that talk about platonic importance, and I start off with this?

I tend to fall in love with my best friends.  It's an issue.  That's how I got my first girlfriend, converting a straight girl.  (btw, not worth the effort.)  After that, I really wanted to date Tsuki for awhile. and I admitted it straight up to her, but I didn't try to push it because I wanted her friendship more, and straight girls are a pain anyway.

I think this dream was repressed sexual tension I had for her, maybe.  But it's not like I really had any intention of dating her or her sister.  Dreams just like to be curve balls sometimes.

Alright, so, next one.  As always, leaving in the parts that don't make sense.

I swallowed hard, phone in hand.  I was sitting in my small bedroom, alone.


I wondered aloud, "Where is Jerry?"


My brother walked in and asked me if I had a jacket that would fit him.  I picked up my favorite one, an XL in men's, and had him try it on.  It fit.  He promised to bring it back asap and went out the door.


So I called her.  The phone rand, and an older man picked up the phone.  I talked with him for a little while, nothing important.  Just, "How're you?", la de da.


Eventually, he gave the phone to Tsuki, who was happy to hear from me.  I profusely apologized for being such a dick before and begged her to try again for me.


She said she never got the text.  Just that simple.  That it didn't go through.


My phone had done that before, so I felt a wave of relief at such a logical explanation.


So, we decided on a time and place.  End of dream.


Also, I vaguely remember that there was more to this - like that I was in the same room with her while she was having sex with him or something, I forget.  It was weird.

But anyway, I'm definitely going to try contacting her again.  I miss her like hell.

I don't think I ate before bed.  I think I slept for about eight and a half hours or so.

A Collection of Snippets

So, I just had a hodge-podge of minor little quick flashes of dreams.  They were fun, though C:

(Sorry about the ranting afterwards.  I'll stop doing that.  :/)

I one, I played DDR with a huge projector, with Jerry.


In another, I won a Kindle on eBay for about $4.  Yesss.


In the last one, I made up with one of my exes and everything was cool, unlike how it is in real life.


So, yes, that's it!

Notes:
I have not played DDR in forever but have desperately wanted to.  @_@  And now it's entering my dreams.

Where I work, Hastings, has put out their own eReader which made me think about getting a Kindle.  (Cause Kindle is the eReader authority, so I'm told.)  But I don't think I'd use it very much so I decided against it.

The ex in question was described in previous posts where she was concerned as a "hopeless girl who blames others for all her shortcomings/when she does not get her way".  The reason we do not get along anymore?


She is a Wapanese little twat who claims that the boyfriend she gave her virginity to 'raped' her, despite her excitement and joy at the time.  Whenever I see her where I work, she ignores me.  When Jerry and I graciously saved her ass from a trailer park when said boyfriend kicked her out, she tried veeery hard to ignore me.  In my own home.


I don't care if she sees this.  Obviously, a part of me still wants to make up with her.  She was a brilliant friend, a shitty-ass girlfriend, but deep down, she is a wonderful, good person who just needs to figure herself out before putting any trust in anyone else.


So, if she sees this, I guess.  Take this as a subconcious admittance that I still care.


But you're still a Wapanese little twat, whether you've moved on the Korea or not.


SA~YA-NA~RA--♥♥
DESUUUUU~~~!


/angry ranting.


I swear I'll stop doing this.  Dreams just make me realize things.


Slept for nine hours.  Went to bed hungry.