Mark #2 - The Stars - Being Poor - The Graveyard - My Old Horses/Neighbors - SKOOOLLL

AKA a cool bunch of snippets!

Throughout the night, I made a huge, conscious effort to remember everything.  Everything.  So, whenever I would awake, I came up with a keyword for the dream to help me remember it.  It appears to have worked, because I actually remember more than usual.

The cool thing is, I even dreamed of writing down the keywords.  Talk about dream control.

Anyway, on to the dreams!

Jerry confronted me one day about how he knew about the party and what had happened.  I had no idea what he was talking about.


Then suddenly, unbidden, I remembered what he was talking about. It all came to me in a flash.


I had gotten drunk and had sex with our (irl) neighbor, Mark.  (not the coworker Mark.  Wow, I know a lot of Marks.)


I felt horrible, with immediate regret.


I did not get a good reading on what Jerry felt.  We can all assume it was not pleasant.  :|  *poker face*

Our neighbor Mark is an older guy, probably around 30 or so.  (For those that don't know, I'm fricken 19.)  He is a bassist in a garage-type band.  Jerry and I are on pretty friendly terms with him, cause he is a pretty cool guy.  He's got a little dog named Izzy.  Perfect conversation starter.  We see him out walking her a lot, that's usually when we see him to stop and talk to him.

But, not only does he have a lovely girlfriend and a happy-ass little dog, I don't think of him like that.

My brain probably went "Okay, okay, cheating dream, pick a person, preferably male-- AH.  MARK THE NEIGHBOR IT IS, WHEEL'O'SEX."

Guess it could have been worse.   Poor Mark the Neighbor.

I was lying with my Mom's cousin (so my first cousin? second?) and her daughter in their room beneath a huge sea of glow in the dark stars that covered all the walls and ceiling.  I felt at peace.


I know exactly how this got cranked out.  On Christmas Eve I was left alone too long with my period having just started that day, so I got rull, rull lonely.

Jerry was off with his family.  I do not get along with his father, and I think I might've had a stomachache.  Regardless, I didn't go to this awesome party that I loved last year with his family because I am a pussy who could not face his father.  (That I'm a Pussy feeling may have brought on the stomachache.)

So, I tried to go to work to talk to my coworkers.  And, uh, the only people there were new kids I barely know.

Feeling like a loser, I crawled back to my car.  In the midst of a crying/screaming/hysterical woman fit, I texted said cousin, being incredibly intrusive and asking if I could come over and crash their Christmas Eve plans.

Luckily, their Christmas Eve plan involved McDonalds and lying around barely dressed watching Tosh.0.

And Jerry and I just put glow stars up about three days ago, and I feel really peaceful looking at them.  This dream just combined warm fuzzy feeling + warm fuzzy feeling for a dose of happy.

In the mall, I saw a dress I really wanted.  When I inquired about it to a cashier, she told me it was just supposed to be a long shirt.


I looked back, and the whole damn display had changed.  (like dreams do.)


So I told her I would just take the long shirt, but found out it was $89.  I raegquit out of poorness, saying loudly to the cashier that I had better things to be spending my money on than ugly clothes.


Oh, no, my cheap brokeassery is making its way into dreams D:

I was back at one of my old houses that I have not lived in since I was seven or eight.  A man outside the house asks me if I wanted to come in, so I did.


This is a safe dream, no fears of predators or harm.  It is reflective.


I know what house this is - the house where I first found Buster.  (my first and only dog; read the last part of this post for full details)


In the dream, I got the notion that this was also where he was buried, while in reality, he is buried at a different house, because he died after we'd moved away from this one.


I procrastinated, doing other things around the house to avoid going out back like I knew I needed to.  but finally, I did.


The backyard is set up like a maze - it's over an acre of backyard, and my father used to mow it so that taller grasses would give it a maze effect.  Large stones dotted the grasses, and I found where he was buried, in dream, and sat and pondered his life and my life since.


I have not dreamed of Buster in years, and suddenly I've had two in the last month?

I think this might be me struggling to come to terms with his loss, after all these years.  It's still so painful that my brain wants me to move on, probably.

Carrying on with the past bit, on to the next one.

At the house I lived in in Tennessee right before we moved out of state (the house where Buster is actually buried), I was wandering along in the backyard like I always did.  My neighbor's horses, that I have not seen in the six years since I moved, came up to the fence like they always used to, letting me pet them.


When I left this house in reality, one of the horses was getting older, not doing so well.  But in the dream, she is as beautiful and healthy as I remember her.  I was beyond relieved to see all four of them happy, healthy, and still familiar with me.


I glance over to the neighbors on the other side of us and realize that we have not visited them since the move, even though we were so close right before the move.


This one move altered my life forever.

I was thirteen, just finished eighth grade.  My mother can't breathe in Tennessee, you see - the mold, pollen, any moisture, etc makes it impossible.  So she moved us first to New Mexico.  When she was unhappy there, we moved to Colorado, where they are now.  I myself moved back to Tennessee right when I turned 18, but that is a whole 'nother adventure.

So, I have a lot of grudges about getting moved like that.  And then getting moved again.  All the while, trying to keep my long-distance relationship with Tennessee-bound Jerry alive.

While in the end, I got Jerry and am back in Tennessee, the past still haunts me.

Okay, okay, the next dream is humorous, neeeext.

There is this brand of Vodka called Skol.

source: http://www.bartonbrands.com/

Anyone who drinks will tell you that it is the worst thing you can possibly drink.  It's super cheap - the smaller varieties even come in plastic - and people only buy it to get super drunk super fast.  Or if they are just poor.

My history with Skol is that I had an apartment party with some coworkers one night, and one of the attendants left his vodka in my fridge.  I called him up the next day like, hey, dude, there's vodka in my fridge.

He said I could keep it, so I eventually drank it all.

I've only had a couple brands of vodka, so I didn't realize the reason it was so dry/bitter/stingy was because it was the cheapest goddamn vodka in all the world.

This was also back before I knew to keep vodka in the freezer, if this puts it in perspective.

I mean, if someone left a liter in my fridge again, I'd probably still drink it (I hate waaaaste), but I know definitely not to ever get it for myself.  Cheapass vodka.

So, in the dream, I was stuffing Skol into my freezer while another coworker (who has been at my parties), Meagan, put tupperware made out of pressed condom wrappers back into my cabinets.


If there is deep symbolism in this condom wrapper/Skol/Meagan dream, I'm totally missing the mark.

That is it for me.  Finally!  Wow, I dreamed a lot.

I ate McDonalds right before bed like a real 'Murkin.  I had two McDoubles and a large fry.  O me o my.
I slept from 11 - 8 or so, but it was super choppy (that usually helps with remembering dreams.)  I was up and down all night between Jerry going to and from work (12 - 4a, wtf?) and our cats jumping on me and/or licking me.  Grr.

A Collection of Snippets

So, I just had a hodge-podge of minor little quick flashes of dreams.  They were fun, though C:

(Sorry about the ranting afterwards.  I'll stop doing that.  :/)

I one, I played DDR with a huge projector, with Jerry.


In another, I won a Kindle on eBay for about $4.  Yesss.


In the last one, I made up with one of my exes and everything was cool, unlike how it is in real life.


So, yes, that's it!

Notes:
I have not played DDR in forever but have desperately wanted to.  @_@  And now it's entering my dreams.

Where I work, Hastings, has put out their own eReader which made me think about getting a Kindle.  (Cause Kindle is the eReader authority, so I'm told.)  But I don't think I'd use it very much so I decided against it.

The ex in question was described in previous posts where she was concerned as a "hopeless girl who blames others for all her shortcomings/when she does not get her way".  The reason we do not get along anymore?


She is a Wapanese little twat who claims that the boyfriend she gave her virginity to 'raped' her, despite her excitement and joy at the time.  Whenever I see her where I work, she ignores me.  When Jerry and I graciously saved her ass from a trailer park when said boyfriend kicked her out, she tried veeery hard to ignore me.  In my own home.


I don't care if she sees this.  Obviously, a part of me still wants to make up with her.  She was a brilliant friend, a shitty-ass girlfriend, but deep down, she is a wonderful, good person who just needs to figure herself out before putting any trust in anyone else.


So, if she sees this, I guess.  Take this as a subconcious admittance that I still care.


But you're still a Wapanese little twat, whether you've moved on the Korea or not.


SA~YA-NA~RA--♥♥
DESUUUUU~~~!


/angry ranting.


I swear I'll stop doing this.  Dreams just make me realize things.


Slept for nine hours.  Went to bed hungry.

Red Love

I have just had the most amazing dream, so I'll be doing this a little differently than normal.

Usually I talk about a dream after the text of it, but I'm going to preface it in advance so that I do not interrupt the flow of it and it reads more like a book passage than my usual ramblings.

The boy in this dream abruptly changed appearance, but this went unnoticed in lala dream land.  He started out looking like that Akira guy from Eden of the East and ended up with white hair.

both of the links I have to these images indicates that they do not belong to the people who posted them - so sorry, no credit source :C  I have no idea where these originally came from.

I've been asked before if because I like anime so much, if my dreams are ever animated.

Usually, when a cartoon character appears in my dreams, it is like a soft 3D model, with bright colors and proportions (eyes, etc) unlike real life.  However, they look very realistic, despite the high saturation of their colors.

So rather than this boy looking like a bright, 2D cartoon, he was a living, breathing thing with realistic shadows and physical movement.

So I will write this out now C:  I still left in whatever parts do not make sense in reality.  Telling it like is was.

Also, sorry about any tense inconsistencies.  I tend to revert to present tense without thinking about it.  I tried to correct most of it.

It was the future, but you would not even know it.

Everything was the same, only older.  I lived in a town so horribly like that of the twenty-first century.  The only defining difference was our entertainment.

People traveled by lit motorcycles like something straight out of Tron Legacy and people could wear whatever they wanted, or nothing at all if they so chose.

Movie theatres as they were known were no longer in existence.  Their replacement: a completely immersive experience that played more like a video game, with programmed characters that would sometimes even be able to directly interact with the audience with AI, and a screen shaped like a half-dome to cover your entire peripheral vision.  Not only were the images in 3D, but no glasses are required - it's as if you're actually sitting in the middle of the movie, complete with heat, wind gushes, scents...everything.

The best part?  Screenings for you and whoever you brought with you only.  No more assholes texting during the movie, that one guy who laughs really loud at scenes that aren't even that funny, that one whore who put on too much perfume after work, or any of the others.

The holidays were near, so I was just finishing decoration on a large cedar tree.  I had lovingly strung lights all around this 50-foot monster, and was just connecting the electricity.  I literally tried to turn the lights on with my mind, but of course, it didn't work.  But one plug later, the entire tree came to life, sparkling in the night like hundreds of multicolored stars, from gold to red to lavender and back again.

The next day.  I was in high school, maybe a junior or a senior.  It was at a relaxing day at the school's pool, just unwinding after class, when I first saw him.  The class clown, the class idiot.  Bellyflopping around in the pool like a twit for attention.

At first, not only did I feel nothing towards him, I sat and pondered about what makes a child such a glutton for attention.  Parents that do not pay enough attention?  But perhaps we all need different levels of attention to feel complete.  I myself was a latch-key kid, and when my parents finally started having time to spend with me, I still holed up in my room.  I do not seek attention, but do not shy from it.

But look at this dumbass.  Splashing everyone.  And they all liked it.  What the hell.

He climbed from the water and passed me with a smile.  I just stared at him.

I suddenly decided that nothing was left for me to learn in the world, at all.  "This is it," I said.  "All the knowledge in the world is already in my head."  I stood, gathered my things, and began my slow journey of stepping over sunbathers to go change.  "I'll take my full head elsewhere."

I realized how vain this sounded, but I didn't care.  I just no longer had any wish to think hard on anything, having deemed all the important things to know already within me.

I was taken aback at how quickly this class clown came into my life.  A few stray touches here and there, little quiet questions and beautiful, wondering eyes, and before long, I had already said yes to dating him.

It played out like a bad, bad version of a modern Romeo and Juliet.  Here we were, happy in young love, unsure and almost afraid of each other.  I had never really dated before, neither had he.  My breasts were soft and foreign to his shy fingers, and his wide shoulders and deep voice left me strung out on pumps of adrenaline.

We continued in secret, unsure of where all this devotion and passion would get us.

"Hurt," he would say.  We both knew it.

"My parents are crazy," he would warn.  "I don't want them to know about this."

He took me to a movie.

Seated on a white park bench in the middle of a starry, dreamy fantasy film, we leaned against each other, tired. It was a school night, already pressing eleven.  I had to be up at seven for school.  But I determined that this was worth it.  I might even skip class the next day.

Without any words, he leaned himself over me on the bench.  My heartbeat fluttered.  His eyes drew mine in.

His teeth pressed into my throat in a surprisingly rough bite.  Then, he nipped at my ears, behind them, on the lobes, beneath them.  His hands held fast to my shoulders as he drowned himself in arousal, and I did the same.  I felt my body move against him as my insides melted with lust.

More teeth, more teeth.  He moaned, settling down over me completely.

A part of me wanted to tell him to stop, because at any moment the characters in this movie may want to have a chat.  But it was such a small, small part.

His mouth was hot, like heaven.

Without much time at all, like a whirlwind, love causes much damage.

Our relationship grew by the day.  Countless time passed, and we still shared our secret of each other.  Our parents were equally unaware.

One day, just before sunset, he begged me to come over.

"In daylight?" I asked, taken aback.

"I can't keep this a secret anymore."

I could not have agreed more.

Thrilled by the thought of liberation from this suppressed hell, I ran to him.  I wanted to love him openly, so much that it hurt.  Keeping it under wraps was tearing us both apart.

So I went to him.  He let me in the back and led me to the attic, with an attached balcony, and I could tell something was very wrong.

He was wearing no shirt, with plain pale jeans.  Across his chest were strips of thin white cloth, like a makeshift bandage.

His eyes were cold.

He handed me a wide, flat brush dipped in red paint and told me to color his arms.

"What's going on?" I asked, fear in my voice.

He did not respond, and merely waited for me to begin.

I dragged the soft bristles over his skin, trailing the red over the little hairs on his arms.  I got lost in the task, stroking in smooth swipes, covering his tone completely with the burst of scarlet.

I felt like I was doing something intimate.  His inhales were slow.

I was suddenly aware that in one clenched first he was holding his phone when the flash lit up the darkening space between us as the sun left us bereft.

My eyes dilated sharply, painfully, but I did not move.

"What was that for?"

His smile was sad.  "I want to remember you as you are.  Not crying."

I frowned.  "Crying?"

I covered his knuckles in the paint, and he dropped the phone.  Before I could finish my work, he pulled me into a strong, sudden embraced that knocked the lungfull of air right out of my chest.

He leaned his soft lips to my ear, whispering heatedly, slowly, purposefully, "Right here.  Right now."

My blood ran hot as my heart constricted tightly in my chest.  With every pump, a new squeeze of pain.  I gasped, dizzying.

I repeated, frightened, "What is going on?!"

But I could not fight off the rush of arousal.  Of the blood rushing to the skin beneath my hips.

More teeth, perfect and rough.  He sighed in longing.  The red of his arms rubbed onto my white jacket, staining it red everywhere he held me.

The door beside us flung open.

There was much shouting as he attempted to fight off his father.  I wanted to help, to do something, but I was powerless to stop two grown adults from punching the living hell out of each other.

With one last look to me, he said, "I love you."

He ran past me, leaving both me and his opponent lost and confused.  He dashed through a door to the edge of the balcony that lay just outside this tiny little room, and I understood.

This tiny little attic was where he was forced to live.

By parents, he meant father.  And his father not only did not pay attention to him, he loathed him.

And he had found me, a light in his dark world, but without this light, he was determined to die.

With the bandages fluttering around him like wings, he fell.

I understood the meaning of 'red'.

Red blood, like life.  Red, like passion, lust, craving, wanting, delirium, desire.  Red, like heartbreak, and anger.

When I screamed in agony, that was red, too.

I followed his footsteps while his father had no time to react.  Over the edge, I was flying.  Flying down to his broken form.

Or so I thought.

I landed, but it was not as painful as jumping off a second story might feel.  I was numb.  And he was smiling at me.

As soon as we were sure his father had reentered the house, we ran.  He picked me up from the ground by the hand, and we ran.

The next day, the bodies are reported missing.  My mother was openly desperate to find my remains, while his father openly did not bother to care.

We were free.

Did we survive the fall?  Were we alive, or ghosts?

How did two people who did not know each other for long enough to constitute love to feel it so completely?

I don't know, but sometimes I'm treated to wonderful dreams by my head.  :D

I especially enjoy dreams with that sexual edge,  Umf umf.

Notes:

I used to live in a house with a giant cedar tree in the front yard.

This year I've hated the thought of Christmas.  Lots of loss and sadness in this apartment, between me and Jerry.  Maybe I still really wanted to enjoy the holidays despite it all, so I decorated a tree in my sleep?  Who knows.

I did not enjoy Eden of the East, I felt like it had so much damn potential but so much was left out / inconclusive.  They needed to make that shit longer than 12 fucking episodes.

Also, maybe TMI, but I got my period yesterday on Christmas Eve.  I kinda wonder if that played a part in the red theme of the dream.  Oooookay.  XD

All in all, this dream had the perfect mix of fear and arousal.  Such a wonderful combination.  /__\

Okay, off the open presents.  tataaaa.

Ate McDonalds right before bed.  Large fries and a chicken sammich.  Slept for... maybe seven hours.

The Impending Breakup, Good Luck Trying Not To Die!

Not much to say to preface these.  One of them was a little more violent than my normal dreams.  I don't really call something a 'nightmare' unless it really shakes me - my subconscious seems to think that a little fear is healthy and makes for a better dream.

So, unless I wake up afraid, to me, what might be a nightmare to others is just a bad dream to me.  Just to clarify!

So, these are both just bad dreams.  But two in one night!  No more soup before bed, perhaps?

A coworker of mine, Mark, and his longtime girlfriend, Angela, were sitting with me just chatting at cafeteria table.  They let it slip to me that Angela admitted recently to having cheated on Mark, and while he was doing his best to put up a good front, I could tell he was dying inside.  I told them as bluntly as I think I would have in real life, "You're done for.  You're going to break up.  Good luck."  I stood and walked off.


Notes:
Mark and Angela have a pretty good thing going.  They're been dating for forever and are pretty happy together, so far as I know.  I don't know why my brain would do this to them.

Sure, he can be a whiny guy, and he chose to stay here with her instead of move to Japan, but she makes him very happy, and she herself is ficken awesome.  Beautiful, cooks, cleans, super smart.  I apologize to them on behalf of my brain.

Super fun note time!  This is actually Mark, hahaha.

See, he's sweet.  lololol.

This one is patchy, so I'll just tell it like I remember it.  There was a place, kinda like a wildlife enclosure, but instead of enclosing wildlife, it enclosed danger of all sorts - traps, weapons, and other things to kill you.

It looked a lot like a prairie inside - long grasses.  The object of the game was to survive the time limit of ten minutes, and not many did.

I was the gate keeper who admitted people.  And the person who walked up to take the challenge?  Another coworker of mine |D  Her name is Jordan, and I just warned her to stay alive and let her in without much hesitation.

At the very end of the time limit, she caught fire.  The time ended right before she really started burning, so she won, lived, and was restored to normal.

Notes:

Jordan is a super sweet, super nice, bubbly happy intellectual girl.  She reminds me of Zooey Deschanel in looks, actually.  She's not a coward, but this didn't seem to fit her personality.  Maybe this spoke of her fighting an inner demon that seemed ungodly dangerous, but since she's a strong, capable woman, she'll overcome it.

Also, this is very similar to the plot of the anime series GANTZ.  People are given a time limit to defeat an alien while trying not to die.  When the time limit reaches zero or the alien has been annihilated, people are healed and returned to the real world via teleportation.

So, that's it for this time.  Hopefully I'll get something better.  I'm about to lie down for a nap right now, actually.  Since I got up at five in the fricken morning today.


Two and a half/maybe two hours before bed: drank water, ate vegetable soup and bread slices
Approx. sleep duration - 7.5 hours (9:30p - 5a) (which sucks, but someone has to brew the coffee for the pencil pushers.)