Two Headed Dog, ????

Seriously weird dream last night.  Obviously means something.  Maybe.

A two-headed dog was put in my care.


This creature had no hind end, and therefore no anus or anything.  One head on each end.  It was white, wiry, and looked small, kinda like a scottie dog.


This dog would bite people, but not hard.  It was the first thing it did to me, bite me...


I told myself I could train it to love people again.


I found out the dog had diabetes and would have special meal requirements.  It also occurred to me that anything with a head on each end would have to excrete out of one - a horrid thought.


I told myself, no one else will take care of this poor creature, just because it is different.


But I will.


I love animals, and all living things in general.  I feel like everything has a right to life, and to be respected.  I wanted so badly to help this dog, and care for it.

I feel like it must have meant something... it was too clear, too vivid...



Also, I found a text file on my desktop that was supposed to be a reminder to myself of dreams I had, but it has been so long, I do not remember a lot about these.  I'm posting my shorthand, because it's just funny how confusing it looks as shorthand, haha...

People building own computers in future 

(seems legit.)

random sexy guy chomping on neck while playing a game that decided the end of the world 

(uh.... huh...?)

Large apartment, didn't use half, something behind a door

Felt weak nearing it, almost swooning

Opened door, little black boy in a dusty cell cowering from something

Talk of radiation

A kitten escaped through the hole into our apartment

(I remember this one being like a nightmare, almost...)

Oven dog

(Literally, it was me who put an old dog into a cremation oven.  I think this was brought on by my discussions with volunteers at animal shelters.  Fucking terrible.  *shiver*)

lucid dream, fighting over clear files

ran out after fighting for them

could fly

flew over to an antique civil-war-ish house

Bailey on porch

looked and saw another Bailey

Realized was dreaming

walked with one Bailey through a street

Thought to self what a waste it was to be dreaming of this

(whut)

(Bailey is the neighborhood stray cat, btw)

late for work

but got into a weird fight with a blonde

arrested

excused from work absence

(wtf... what were we fighting over lolwut)

The Fan, Rob Swire, Heaven, Pugs!

Wow, okay, wow, it has been two months since I wrote down a dream in here!  Mostly because I am lame and procrastinatory, but I also went through a weird period in April where I did not dream nearly so much.

But, I return to you now with these 'gems', ffff.

Also, apparently I am the last to know that dreams do not occur just in REM sleep tra la laaaa.  If you did not know yet, either, then someone is just trying to make me feel dumb. Ff.

These three are from random points in the last couple of months that have stuck with me this whole time due to whatever reason.  Enjoy!

I was a published writer who sold his soul to the devil.  The deal was, I had to front a rock band in exchange for my book selling incredible amounts.  (And the soul, that too.)


But there were stipulations.  After every concert, I had to have sex with five people.  Five, oh my god.  If I didn't, there were terrible, unspoken consequences, that I really did not want to ask about.


Fast forward several months into this deal.  I am exhausted, totally tired of fulfilling my strange quota, and really starting to regret the deal I'd made just to get my book on every bestseller list in the world.


Back in the present, my bodyguards have invited the two people I'd selected.  When they asked about the other three, I told them I just could not.  Not tonight.


The girl and the boy I chose turn out to be brother and sister.  They invite me back to their home (their parents' home!).  And while we walked there, the boy confesses that he is really young (15-ish), but is my biggest fan.


We get to the house and go in.  The sister tells me to try out her brother first, retiring to her room to wait for me.


So, here I sit, a shy, trembling virgin in my lap, telling me how much he loves me.  But he's scared, I can feel it.  I tell him I can't.  Not here, not in this room.  This is wrong.


To hell with the consequences.  I could not have sex with a scared child.


Things to know about me:
I love virgins, in every shape, size, color, and gender.  Everything in between.  So the way this dream slanted just really hit me in the face: wasn't it what I wanted?  Why the sudden guilt?  Why was he so afraid...

I don't really know what it happened like that.  You would think that in a dream, I would get my way, haha :)

This next one involves Rob Swire.

source: tribalmixes.com

In a small room, I was invited, along with thirty or so other people, to a private CD sale with Rob.

The details are fuzzy, but I remember the prices being phenomenal - only about a dollar per disc.  Like he was trying to get rid of them.

But suddenly... he started crying midsentence.  Doubled-over, seriously sobbing.

I went over to him and held him.  I shushed him, let him cry.

I told him, that I loved him.  As a human being, I really loved him. He told me the same.

This love we were talking about was not love for each other.  It was like... the love of the bond we all share as human beings.  To love someone just because they are human, and we are all human, and they are hurt.

This dream culminated with all of us dancing Circle of Life style to upbeat music.  Really strange.

I do have recurring dreams about Rob a lot, but this one was the most pleasant I've ever had.  Seriously.  It's weird, but it made me feel emotionally complete.

Next one I had after drinking coffee and going to bed.  oAo

I knew I was dreaming, and just how to control it.  I wanted to see heaven, the ultimate safe space.

So, I went through a ghostly door leading to my 'heaven'.

It was a large pool, strangely shaped, like a strange circle drawn with large pixels.  White bricks composed it and the surrounding area, until they reached the border of dirt and bushes.

These bushes had wide leaves, the greenest I'd ever seen.  Trees with long, sweeping, willow-like branches swayed in the soft wind, rustling gently.

It was not hot or cold.  Almost as if it had no temperature.

I walked over to the edge of the water.  I tested the water with my foot to see if it were too cold or too warm, but it too had no temperature.

With the bright sky above, the lovely wind, and this gorgeous pool of water, I really was in heaven.

Later in the dream, I woke up within the dream, and was talking to another person about what I'd seen.  He told me dreams were meant to be kept to oneself.  I told him they were visions meant to be shared.

So lovely.  I can't believe how beautiful this dream was.  So.... so beautiful...

Last one for now, guys.  Just woke up from a nap and had this dream.  C:

I had a random tattoo of a pug on my ankle that I could not remember getting!  On my freaking ankle!

Just a wide-eyed little cutie looking up with its little bug-eyes.

Later, I looked back down, and it had changed.  It was now upside-down, looking up at me, with tail-wagging motion lines.

I do love pugs, I do want a tattoo, but a pug tattoo?  Oh hell.  Now I sort of want one, but that is ridiculous.  Pugs are rediculous.

source: pugsplace.com

So, yeah, that's all for me.  Yaaaay!

Also, I have decided that based on my crazy dreams and what I ate before dreaming, there is no correlation to food eaten vs. dreams.  Caffeine in the system while sleeping, however, I honestly believe does make the dream more vivid.

Good night, sleep well!  Sweet dreams, everyone.

Potentially tripping balls, please stand by

Oh man, I have just had the craziest, most psychedelic, sexual dream ever.  Oh my god.  Okay.  Here we go.

A boy washed up on shore one morning.  I somehow knew he had been raped and thrown to sea.


I held him against me all morning, waiting for him to awaken.


One of my irl coworkers (yesss this again), Piper, joined me in waiting for him to wake up.  Apparently, he was at least partially robotic, and the water had not done good things to him, so she had me open the panel on the back of his neck and press some buttons.


He awoke with the most furious thrashing ever.  We both had to hold him down with he got over the panic attack.


Then, I realized someone had written PIPER down all over the back of his neck.  I looked at her.


He calmed down, then looked at her angrily.  "You're that bitch from McDonalds who wouldn't give me the special because I left my coupon at home."


"That's her job," I interjected, then let him go on his merry way.


Later (I can only assume it was the same crazed androidbot), girls began to go missing.  Four, in fact.


I traced them back to this house with a long flight of stairs leading into a creepy-ass basement.  I stood at the top of the stairs with another boy, one who lived in this house.


Through the darkness, a light show began to play.


First, a song came on.  A dark, gritty, slow rock song, with a male singer telling me in a voice full of sex that he would get me 'as hypnotized as lightning'.


Then, in neon colors like a Lite Brite, shapes began to form on the ceiling of the stairwell.  It turned into a space scene, with rockets and stars.


Slowly, a light came on at the bottom of the stairs.  The missing girls were there, naked, masturbating with each other.  The music got louder, the lights went out.


When they came back on, it was a single naked bulb above a table, set up just past the first step.  On it where three large candles, with two wicks apiece.  The wicks were bending over and standing up in time to the beat.


I can only assume that if this person was trying to get me to come down the stairs, it definitely worked.

Yes, sir, I'd love to be one of your trippy masturbating girls locked in an eternal light show.  Ooookay then.

The Maid / Hamlet, Celty

People mentioned: Jerry

A very sexually charged evening, I've had.

In one, I was in a very fancy, skimpy maid's outfit.  Jerry and I were getting into some kinky cowgirl-position bondage.


Our real sex life is no where near as exciting.

In the other, I got to meet Hamlet Machine, author of the comic sensation Starfighter.  In my dream, she looked like this one actress from the independent movie 'Ink'.

source: http://www.knowthemovies.com/

This is what she actually looks like: (she's in the middle, and I'm just seeing this for the first time today C:)

source: http://www.starfightercomic.com/

She was super cool.  But I had to take a rickety elevator in a pretty decrepit building to the top floor to get to her.

When I bade her farewell (after talking about what, I can only speculate at this point) I tried to take the elevator down.  But it jammed.  Alarm bells went off as it spiraled between floors like it was on rubber bands.

When the doors finally opened and the lift came to a halt, it was... Shinra from Durarara opening the doors for me.  And I was looking into the building's secret basement.

I was both delighted and confused, so I followed him out of the elevator.  So, apparently, in my dreams, he's a mad scientist, rather than a rouge doctor.  So, guess what was sitting on a leather couch just randomly in the middle of the concrete floor?

Celty.  And not just any Celty.  Robot Celty.

With no ado whatsoever, I plopped myself into her lap and made out with her.  Well, as close to making out as you can when one party has no head  But I sure as hell felt up that lovely pile of circuits ♥  Yes yes.  ♥♥

RoboCelty?  Why didn't my waking mind ever think of that??!  That is just, aah, too much.  No wonder I dropped everything I was doing like "I'mma hit that asap bro thanks."

I'm probably so hypersexual because I've received literally the BEST piece of gift art that I ever have in my entire life.  It's hot as hell.  I feel asleep restless and fitful, and apparently it translated well into dreams 8D;;;

The Concert

People mentioned: Jerry

So, I've been neglecting this page, D:  Mostly because I'm so procrastinatory, and partially because of my book getting released.  Soooo.

Last night, I dreamt of Rob.  (That's Rob Swire, for those not in the kno~ow.)

My dreams of him range from ecstasy to hell, and this one was like a somewhat psychedelic version of hell.

It was late at night.  Eleven, to be exact.


Jerry and I were getting ready to go to the Knife Party concert (irl, this will be happening in March.)  But time was moving in slow motion...


The concert was to start at nine, but every movement I made was taking hours.


I began to draw, with a thick black paint-dipped brush.  I traced lovingly every contour of his face, the deep shadows beneath his eyes, and around his head, I drug a slow halo.  


As trite as it was, I told him in my heart, "You are my angel."


I had never thought of it this way.  I felt moved, deep in my heart.


It was then three am before I knew it, as I was stroking the final golds and blacks onto the huge piece.  We were in the car, moving both fast and in slow motion at the same time.  My heart was sinking, and the panic kicked in - was I too late?


I felt really helpless to get this piece of my work to him.  I think the picture I drew represented every internal feeling I have for this man, and running so far behind represents every missed opportunity I've had to give him art or catch his eye.

It was really distressing.

I woke up in a strange, quiet mood.  Not quite ready to take on the day.

Love Babies, With Love From LMFAO

People mentioned:  Jerry!

Dude, freaky dream, gotta run it by you guys.  o___O

I was gaining weight inexplicably.  I asked a friend and they told me I was pregnant!  Gasp!


Oh god, Jerry!  I'm pregnant!


But, it's not yours!


It must be.... REDFOO'S BABY.

image from http://mixredding.com/

But you've got to be fucking kidding me.

But yes, alas!  I must be pregnant, for I must pee every ten minutes!

Oh, Jerry, I am so scared, but oddly accepting of the fact that I am bulbous with baby!  O god, I have betrayed your love!

By the end of the dream, it turned out I was just a little overweight, not pregnant, but had still screwed a crazy ass not-quite-rapper that I have no sexual desire for in real life, thus cheating on my manfriend.  D:

I'll create a new tag for WTF, but I don't know if I'll ever use it again after this O____O

A Long Night

For mentioned names, please see Quick Ref tab above.
People mentioned here: Jerry, Brianna

I slept way too long last night, so I had a multitude of craziness.

To preface, I'm not particularly under a lot of stress, it feels like.  I'm in a better state of mind than I've been in possibly a year.  I'm making (slightly) more money and between Jerry and myself we're doing alright.  My favorite famous person in the world is coming to Tennessee for the first time ever to blast us all away, my apartment is somewhat clean and starting to get furniture.

In short/tl;dr - I feel much happier than normal.

So, I get weird dreams!  Enjoy.  XD

I was driving late at night in a strange place.  When late night turned to early morning, I decided I wanted some Burger King breakfast croissants.


Somehow, instead of ending up at Burger King, I was suddenly in Las Vegas, early morning.  I was wearing tight, shiny, purple, leopard prints pants and a purple tank top like something straight out of an LMFAO music video.


I went into a casino that happened to be having a random drawing for thousands of dollars towards dream weddings.  I leapt at the chance - there were going to be three drawings, and even third place got $1,000 dollars.


Turns out I knew the other two in the contest - Meagan, one of my coworkers, and the third one, I don't remember anymore.  Oops.

This is Meagan, although I have no idea what's going on in this pic :o)

When the draw happened, the three of us were the three winners.  Imagine that!  So in order to claim my $1k, I had to go through processing.


Now, processing in this dream meant getting put in a little booth that traveled through underground tunnels, like a cross between what happened in Caspar and a carnival ride.  All the while, a narrator was telling me how the guy who was going to 'process' me hoped I was hot so he could probably molest me, but since I wasn't, it was disappointing.


Wtf?  Self esteem issues much?
Dude, I just the other day had a drunk discussion with someone about how beautiful I thought she was and vice-versa XDDD  My self esteem issues should be fixed by now.

Other than that, wow, okay, random Caspar sequence from my far off childhood and Vegas?  I mean, I love Vegas, so why not dream about it?

I was sitting on the top of some bleachers that were folded in, i.e., in compact mode.  I could not jump to get down and was sort of stuck.


Then, magically and randomly, Brianna appeared out of nowhere and started sliding the bleachers out by hand to help me down.


When I got down, she took me by the hand and we walked off.  I felt intensely giddy and girly.


Like Inception said, the desire for catharsis is greater than the desire for revenge.

This next one is a little more difficult to remember, as I waited a few days to post it.  Here it goes, to the best of my memory...

It was night, in a mutated fun house straight out of nightmares.  Broken lightbulbs on the exterior, clowns with chipping paint faces, and a creaking sound to every metal bone in its body.


Within, I was all but trapped, but this was no nightmare.  I remember riding a shaking elevator barely big enough for one up and down the levels.  Inside was a little robotic clown girl who said nothing, but listened to my problems every time I rode.


I later found out she was sentient.  The next time I rode the elevator, I tried to talk to her, but she still would not respond.


Beside the funhouse was a set of rusted, overgrown train tracks.  I could hear whistling in the distance, but there was no train.


What's frustrating is that I know there was a lot more cool things to this but since I'm a procrastinator I have totally forgotten it all.  Oh well.

Strange Things in the Kitchen, Self-Sacrifice

I have a backlog of things to post, as always, but last night I had some rather intense goings-on in my not-always-happy dreamland that I really need to get out.

I've been hitting a string of nightmare lately.  Weird, shaking, painful ones, hitting the highest point I've ever hit last night as I let myself be murdered.

So, I'm going to start with the dream I had last night that didn't involve death, but it was, uh,.... okay, here it is.

It's worth mentioning that the brother in this dream is in no way related to my irl half-brother Joe.  This was a dream-only character with zero resemblance.  Although, this is still weird as is.

I worked at a restaurant as a waitress, and my brother was a cook.


I went to take a woman her drink of wine, and recognized her from where I work irl (although I'm not sure who she was / if she actually exists / call it a dream thing).  We started talking as I poured some pepper into her table candle to enhance the scent (??).


I went back into the kitchen, which really really resembled another section of booths rather than a kitchen, to find my brother drinking on the job, already pretty far gone.


"What the fuck are you doing?" I demanded, folding the serving platter under my arm.  "You are going to get fired!"


He said nothing, sort of just observing me.


I acted on an impulse, testing the waters that I know are troubled.  I grab him by the collar with my left hand, pulling his head down to my level.  (I'm 5'1" irl and in this dream; he is well over six feet)  We gave each other a long stare.


He gave in, wrapping his arms around my waist and hoisted me into a deep kiss.  He smelled like fresh laundry.  Which is good, but as a cook, shouldn't he smell different?


I backed up, nodded, and went about my job, leaving him to his own devices.


YES.  Dream incest.  WTF.

Thank god that it was not my real brother or I'd be in counseling instead of typing this out.  If there is any symbolism in this, I think I'm missing it.  Also, I've never been a waitress.  Or put pepper into candle wax.

*suddenly tempted to try it*  o__o

Okay, onto the more exciting one.

The setting is a prison break, late at night, with heavy rain.


The prison was almost completely empty.  A group of us were trapped within, unable to escape as the entire prison ground swarmed with armed, dangerous criminals.


I was huddled into a large holding cell with five or six others, cold, scared, awaiting the worst.  There was one prisoner in particular that I knew would be looking for me, with a vengeance.


I did not know why he wanted me specifically.  I just knew that he was coming to kill me.


And he did.


Appearing through the flashes of lightning like a jagged tree's silhouette, he slumped into the cell, carrying with him a motorized, cordless circular saw.

Thank you, www.lowes.com, for powering my nightmares.


I stepped in front of everyone else, determined to protect them.  I knew it was me alone he'd come for.


Within seconds, he had me pinned to the ground, looming over me like a dark predator.  He clicked the machine on, and while aiming for elsewhere, nicked my thigh on accident, tearing it open.


I finally began to feel fear.  I scream outright in agony, feeling the blade rip at me.  I clung to a dying hope that someone was going to come to my rescue, but I knew this was it.  I had chosen this.  I was dying.


The last thing I actually feel is a huff of air from the motor across my bare belly.  When the saw actually hit my stomach, I was beyond feeling.  I was swimming dizzily in a panicked spiral, where all I could hear was the whirring blade and my own distant screaming.  I was slightly aware that my insides were being literally ripped to shreds, but it wasn't long before I swooned in fear, causing me to slowly dissolve into consciousness on the other side.


Makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it @_@

Okay, no idea where that came from.  I'm the one who laughs at chainsaws and the like as weapons.  I don't think I've ever seriously died in a dream like that, that I can remember so vividly.

But I suddenly, even if only in dreamland, understood the psychology behind living a normal life and suddenly finding courage in the face of death.

Most famous example is my favorite historic figure, Marie Antoinette.  She was a sad individual under a lot of stress, having come from her homeland of Austria to marry into French aristocracy.  Then, surprise surprise, Austria and France became enemies.  Fuck her life.

She took out a lot of sadness, I believe, in buying expensive things.  So, on the outside, she lived a shallow life without my detail, only to suddenly buck up in the face of death and accept it nobly, like a truly unconquerable, strong soul.

That's kind of how I felt, knowing I was going to die.  Sudden courage.

In real life, my wager is still me going out like a whining, scared little bitch.

I've always said I'd be the one to challenge a schoolyard gunman by making it a fist fight.

Anyway, toodles for today, I'm off to wear many layers and distract myself from the tummy area.

I am a lardass who figured out how to make pigs in a blanket and then consumed about 14 of them right before bed.  I slept for... um... probably ten or eleven hours.

Casino Night

So, I've been kinda slacking off on my reports, mostly because I keep dreaming weird little inexplicable pieces and bits.  As in, in the last week, I magically appeared out of LMFAO's washing machine to give them some cryptic advice, merely to sink back into the magically tunnel inside the machine.  Wtf?

I'm writing this at 10:30pm, meaning, there's probably a lot missing from this.  But it's been a week since I've had a cohesive/non-useless dream, so enjoy.

I worked in a casino, and was there for a dinner party one night.  I was dressed in a fine midnight blue dress, although it was slightly strange/backwards, but it made sense in-dream.  So yeah, it opened up in the back.  See below for the picture I drew for you...

Weird, right?  Just some midnight blue butt-covering fabric to go underneath the 'outer' part of the dress.


So, I had someone call on the phone, asking if the voice going over the intercom could be sent over the phone.  (?????)  I told him yes, and then he asked to meet me.


Flash forward.  Instead of looking like myself, I had the hair of your typical mental image of a curly black-haired fortune teller.  I was lying naked with the man from the phone on the side of a cliff overlooking a slope of dirt that led to a little lake.


We exchanged sweet glances, and he said something about, "Well, I find you attractive *oh ho ho longing sigh* and you somehow find me attractive... *manly grin and laugh*, so of course we've nothing to fear."  *breast grab*


But then, I noticed a grey snake above his head, resembling a puff adder.

source: http://wikiworkspace.pbworks.com

I was alarmed, but he merely tossed it away like it was nothing.  Okay, back to kissing and the bare breasts and stuff.


Okay, I lied, it's not cohesive.  But there was some weird symbolism going on so I thought I might talk about it.

I ate some cheesy potatoes before bed and slept about ten hours.

Mark #2 - The Stars - Being Poor - The Graveyard - My Old Horses/Neighbors - SKOOOLLL

AKA a cool bunch of snippets!

Throughout the night, I made a huge, conscious effort to remember everything.  Everything.  So, whenever I would awake, I came up with a keyword for the dream to help me remember it.  It appears to have worked, because I actually remember more than usual.

The cool thing is, I even dreamed of writing down the keywords.  Talk about dream control.

Anyway, on to the dreams!

Jerry confronted me one day about how he knew about the party and what had happened.  I had no idea what he was talking about.


Then suddenly, unbidden, I remembered what he was talking about. It all came to me in a flash.


I had gotten drunk and had sex with our (irl) neighbor, Mark.  (not the coworker Mark.  Wow, I know a lot of Marks.)


I felt horrible, with immediate regret.


I did not get a good reading on what Jerry felt.  We can all assume it was not pleasant.  :|  *poker face*

Our neighbor Mark is an older guy, probably around 30 or so.  (For those that don't know, I'm fricken 19.)  He is a bassist in a garage-type band.  Jerry and I are on pretty friendly terms with him, cause he is a pretty cool guy.  He's got a little dog named Izzy.  Perfect conversation starter.  We see him out walking her a lot, that's usually when we see him to stop and talk to him.

But, not only does he have a lovely girlfriend and a happy-ass little dog, I don't think of him like that.

My brain probably went "Okay, okay, cheating dream, pick a person, preferably male-- AH.  MARK THE NEIGHBOR IT IS, WHEEL'O'SEX."

Guess it could have been worse.   Poor Mark the Neighbor.

I was lying with my Mom's cousin (so my first cousin? second?) and her daughter in their room beneath a huge sea of glow in the dark stars that covered all the walls and ceiling.  I felt at peace.


I know exactly how this got cranked out.  On Christmas Eve I was left alone too long with my period having just started that day, so I got rull, rull lonely.

Jerry was off with his family.  I do not get along with his father, and I think I might've had a stomachache.  Regardless, I didn't go to this awesome party that I loved last year with his family because I am a pussy who could not face his father.  (That I'm a Pussy feeling may have brought on the stomachache.)

So, I tried to go to work to talk to my coworkers.  And, uh, the only people there were new kids I barely know.

Feeling like a loser, I crawled back to my car.  In the midst of a crying/screaming/hysterical woman fit, I texted said cousin, being incredibly intrusive and asking if I could come over and crash their Christmas Eve plans.

Luckily, their Christmas Eve plan involved McDonalds and lying around barely dressed watching Tosh.0.

And Jerry and I just put glow stars up about three days ago, and I feel really peaceful looking at them.  This dream just combined warm fuzzy feeling + warm fuzzy feeling for a dose of happy.

In the mall, I saw a dress I really wanted.  When I inquired about it to a cashier, she told me it was just supposed to be a long shirt.


I looked back, and the whole damn display had changed.  (like dreams do.)


So I told her I would just take the long shirt, but found out it was $89.  I raegquit out of poorness, saying loudly to the cashier that I had better things to be spending my money on than ugly clothes.


Oh, no, my cheap brokeassery is making its way into dreams D:

I was back at one of my old houses that I have not lived in since I was seven or eight.  A man outside the house asks me if I wanted to come in, so I did.


This is a safe dream, no fears of predators or harm.  It is reflective.


I know what house this is - the house where I first found Buster.  (my first and only dog; read the last part of this post for full details)


In the dream, I got the notion that this was also where he was buried, while in reality, he is buried at a different house, because he died after we'd moved away from this one.


I procrastinated, doing other things around the house to avoid going out back like I knew I needed to.  but finally, I did.


The backyard is set up like a maze - it's over an acre of backyard, and my father used to mow it so that taller grasses would give it a maze effect.  Large stones dotted the grasses, and I found where he was buried, in dream, and sat and pondered his life and my life since.


I have not dreamed of Buster in years, and suddenly I've had two in the last month?

I think this might be me struggling to come to terms with his loss, after all these years.  It's still so painful that my brain wants me to move on, probably.

Carrying on with the past bit, on to the next one.

At the house I lived in in Tennessee right before we moved out of state (the house where Buster is actually buried), I was wandering along in the backyard like I always did.  My neighbor's horses, that I have not seen in the six years since I moved, came up to the fence like they always used to, letting me pet them.


When I left this house in reality, one of the horses was getting older, not doing so well.  But in the dream, she is as beautiful and healthy as I remember her.  I was beyond relieved to see all four of them happy, healthy, and still familiar with me.


I glance over to the neighbors on the other side of us and realize that we have not visited them since the move, even though we were so close right before the move.


This one move altered my life forever.

I was thirteen, just finished eighth grade.  My mother can't breathe in Tennessee, you see - the mold, pollen, any moisture, etc makes it impossible.  So she moved us first to New Mexico.  When she was unhappy there, we moved to Colorado, where they are now.  I myself moved back to Tennessee right when I turned 18, but that is a whole 'nother adventure.

So, I have a lot of grudges about getting moved like that.  And then getting moved again.  All the while, trying to keep my long-distance relationship with Tennessee-bound Jerry alive.

While in the end, I got Jerry and am back in Tennessee, the past still haunts me.

Okay, okay, the next dream is humorous, neeeext.

There is this brand of Vodka called Skol.

source: http://www.bartonbrands.com/

Anyone who drinks will tell you that it is the worst thing you can possibly drink.  It's super cheap - the smaller varieties even come in plastic - and people only buy it to get super drunk super fast.  Or if they are just poor.

My history with Skol is that I had an apartment party with some coworkers one night, and one of the attendants left his vodka in my fridge.  I called him up the next day like, hey, dude, there's vodka in my fridge.

He said I could keep it, so I eventually drank it all.

I've only had a couple brands of vodka, so I didn't realize the reason it was so dry/bitter/stingy was because it was the cheapest goddamn vodka in all the world.

This was also back before I knew to keep vodka in the freezer, if this puts it in perspective.

I mean, if someone left a liter in my fridge again, I'd probably still drink it (I hate waaaaste), but I know definitely not to ever get it for myself.  Cheapass vodka.

So, in the dream, I was stuffing Skol into my freezer while another coworker (who has been at my parties), Meagan, put tupperware made out of pressed condom wrappers back into my cabinets.


If there is deep symbolism in this condom wrapper/Skol/Meagan dream, I'm totally missing the mark.

That is it for me.  Finally!  Wow, I dreamed a lot.

I ate McDonalds right before bed like a real 'Murkin.  I had two McDoubles and a large fry.  O me o my.
I slept from 11 - 8 or so, but it was super choppy (that usually helps with remembering dreams.)  I was up and down all night between Jerry going to and from work (12 - 4a, wtf?) and our cats jumping on me and/or licking me.  Grr.

Dream Talk : Sexual Dreams

So, I had a few quick little dreams that seemed silly to report, so I thought I'd fill in today's blank with a quick thought about sexual dreams.  This post is written assuming your sexual dream was pleasant - i.e., no raping, forcing, discomfort, etc.  Not that I think all or even most sexual dreams are good ones, I just like to think about the happier ones more.  (Maybe a darker post about rape-like dreams in the future, but I'm not in that deep a mood tonight.)

I just read an article (readable here) talking about recurring sexual dreams.  It poses the notion that if you are having sexual dreams, the lover you're with might be what your subconscious has realized you are lacking.

A woman that was studied in this article talked about dreaming of sex with her neighbor, when in reality, she hated him.  He was an impromptu sort of artist with a lot of creativity, but he only worked just enough to pay bills, which she considered lazy.  The article's author suggests that these free, passionate, creative attributes is what she really desired - not the man himself.

But, I have spoken to many people about dream lovers that do not exist in reality; they are strictly fictional 'dream lovers'.  I'm sure the same basic principles apply, but a lot of whom I spoke said that they have a single, recurring dream lover they see often.

I myself may be sexually active in dream land, but it's always a different person, and they hardly ever actually exist in the waking world.  (Barring my last sexually charged dream, wherein I awkwardly awoke feeling as though I'd had a threesome with my best friend and her sister.)  But if I look deeper, and describe these dreamtime lovers in four or five words, will I too see four or five personality traits I wish I had?

From the Red Love dream: he was confident, beautiful, forward, and deeply caring.
But, but, not to sound conceited, but I feel like I pretty much fit all that.  Perhaps my subconscious has determined that I'm not as much of any of that as I think I am?

Also, it's no secret that virgins dream of sex, or sexual encounters.  I found that when I first had sex, the quality/duration/frequency of sexual dreams actually sort of lessened for me, but only slightly.  Also on that note, I rarely dream about penetration whatsoever.  Most of my sexy happy dreams involve what I'd call heavy touching, or lotsa of playing around.  I think it's because it's the arousal I crave and not the act itself...?

Maybe it's the forbiddenness about it that draws virgins into sexy dreams though?  Or maybe it was simply hormones.  Because while I'm sure a lot of sexual dreams are meant to be symbolic of some deeper meaning, I'm also sure some (if not most!) exist because humans are horny bastards.

That all from me tonight!  Toodles~

image source: http://www.gettyimages.com/

The Dollface / What's it like to get your vagina licked? / Invisibility

So, sadly, had a lot of random dream clips last night but only remember three.  I got woken up a LOT last night through my attempted sleeping time, and that generally makes it impossible to have long, worthwhile dreams and just leaves me with broken, short pieces.

But here they are!

I was getting ready in front of a mirror.  I had long, thick eyelashes and dark eyeliner like a doll and short, curly hair with a mini top hat.  What really fascinated me was that I was brushing bangs.  Bangs!  I have not had those since I was pre-teen.


I was fricken gorgeous, but it was still kinda weird and didn't feel like me.  I'll make a new label for dreams where I'm not myself from here on in.

Sitting in a classroom, someone opened up a discussion of, "What is oral sex like for females?"


The person asking it was male.  The first person to answer was... TA DA.  One of my ex girlfriends.  (The most recent one.  Previously referred to as the one who was extremely important to me, but childishly blocked me online and went on to rant about me in public forums.)


While she was answering, I interrupted her with the most brilliant definition I could think of.


"It's great, you know, it's warm and all.  But not nearly enough friction to get off on!  You're better off pleasing your girl some other way!"


Cue silence as this jewel of wisdom sinks in.


Ahahaa....


So, we'll just call this ex by her name, Brianna.  Tired of these 'previously referred to' bits.

So, this is her first appearance in my dreams since we stopped talking about a month and a half ago, so it's pretty strange.  Also, since I never put my mouth on her junk I think my brain was just filling in the blanks, since I know her current boyfriend has done her the favor by now.  And I doubt she feels as 'whatever' about it as I do, so yes.  Weirdness.

Probably what made me dream of her now was I just found out yesterday she's been calling Jerry/my live-in love bird constantly over the last week or so (as in, 25 missed calls), which sits even stranger with me.  The unease wormed its way into my subconscious.

Oh, oh, wait, one more.

In a place where magic of some kind is possible, a group of people are unknowingly playing a survival game.


Like the Marauder's Map of Harry Potter, some people are given a map of similar nature showing where the opponents and teammates are.


It's a group of humans struggling against another group who want to kill them.


So I have an ability that proves quite useful, although short lived: I can cast invisibility, but it only lasts for half a minute or so and does not mask sounds that I'd make.  I find out I can also use it to shield more than myself, but only get to use it on one other person simultaneously.


I do it by putting my hand over my head, revolving it in a circle a couple times, then making a fist.  As long as the fist is above us, we should be invisible, but eventually the strength will run out and I'll have to recast.


There was one room on the map that if you entered, for some reason, instead of giving an exact location next to your name, it would say "N/A" or "??"


I figured out that was the safest place to sit and think, because hell, whatever was trying to kill us was mighty powerful.


When these things first started appearing to take us out, my coworker Mark (WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE AGAIN) came up to me crying, saying he could not find his (real life) wife-to-be, Angela, and feared she was probably dead already.


I confided in him that I could not find Jerry, but I hoped for the best.


The dream end with me and one other person holed up in the magic N/A room, shivering in fear.  A group of the invaders comes in and I shield us, but they are in there so long talking I have to recast.  That split second where we were visible was so frightening I almost couldn't hold my hands steady enough to cast.


I think this was just my brain having a little fun.  It does this sometimes, gives me interesting circumstances like straight out of a good novel or movie.  Fear is the spice of dreams!  Ahahaaa.

My brain likes to decide what is good for plot and implements it.  I wonder if all writers have dreams that play out like stories.

So, yes, this is everything that I remember!

I think I slept for... uh... at least eight hours, between all the waking up.  I went to bed fairly hungry for once.

Taking bullets! Sort of.

People always say, "I love you so much I'd take a bullet for you!"

But how many mean that?

Proud to say now that I know without a doubt that I would.  (Even if they missed.  :D)

Jerry and I were on a moving bus heading down a street at night, having just deplaned.  Someone pulled out a gun, aimed at Jerry, and before they could even cock the gun, I put myself in front of him and tried to pull him as hard as I could to get him away from danger.


Upon inspection, I checked myself for blood.  I had been missed.  The window behind us spiderwebbed from the impact.


A small dream, but very pleasing and ego-stroking for me.  Hm, yes, quite right.  Pip pip!

The Distant Moon

So, this girl who was my best friend for the longest time and I are having a rough spot right now.  I've known her since I was freaking 11 or something like that.  My stress?  A couple years back, she got a boyfriend and it took over her life.

I felt completely cut off.  She stopped making any efforts to talk to me, spend time with me, or... anything.  We have known each other for years, and it really, really hurt me.  She is one of the most important people in my life.

The last time I went to see her, after months of not seeing her, I hit a bit of a catch.  She had her boyfriend over when I was expecting it to just be us.

I tried my fucking hardest to ignore the boy lying in her bed in his underwear and just talk to her, but inside, I felt myself getting sick.  As in, a depression sick like I've never known.

I apologized for being weird, but didn't have the words to explain why I was so messed up that night.

I don't blame her for being happy with a boyfriend, and lord knows I overreacted.  It's just the feeling of utter replacement I have when it comes to her.

Look, I know that the one you marry/intend to marry might be more important than your friend, even if she/he is your best friend.  But I'm talking about complete shut off from someone I thought I was important to.

And now, this scenario has replayed in my life, over and over.  It nearly destroyed one friendship, and so far has completely wrecked another (although this one in particular might have been doomed to begin with, judging by the girl.)

So, last night I had two dreams about this girl, that I've always called Tsuki, and I've woken up with renewed vigor to contact her.

Because if sheeee doesn't respond to the text I sent her before Christmas, I can always bite the bullet and call her boyfriend.  I have his number in my phone, for whatever fucking reason.  (I think she may have texted me from it once, idk, but it's freaking ironic to have it in there regardless.)

So., the dreams:

I had a lesbian three way with her and her sister.  I don't remember anything else, sadly.


Woah, now, hold the phone!  What the hell happened there!

Okay, after all that talk about platonic importance, and I start off with this?

I tend to fall in love with my best friends.  It's an issue.  That's how I got my first girlfriend, converting a straight girl.  (btw, not worth the effort.)  After that, I really wanted to date Tsuki for awhile. and I admitted it straight up to her, but I didn't try to push it because I wanted her friendship more, and straight girls are a pain anyway.

I think this dream was repressed sexual tension I had for her, maybe.  But it's not like I really had any intention of dating her or her sister.  Dreams just like to be curve balls sometimes.

Alright, so, next one.  As always, leaving in the parts that don't make sense.

I swallowed hard, phone in hand.  I was sitting in my small bedroom, alone.


I wondered aloud, "Where is Jerry?"


My brother walked in and asked me if I had a jacket that would fit him.  I picked up my favorite one, an XL in men's, and had him try it on.  It fit.  He promised to bring it back asap and went out the door.


So I called her.  The phone rand, and an older man picked up the phone.  I talked with him for a little while, nothing important.  Just, "How're you?", la de da.


Eventually, he gave the phone to Tsuki, who was happy to hear from me.  I profusely apologized for being such a dick before and begged her to try again for me.


She said she never got the text.  Just that simple.  That it didn't go through.


My phone had done that before, so I felt a wave of relief at such a logical explanation.


So, we decided on a time and place.  End of dream.


Also, I vaguely remember that there was more to this - like that I was in the same room with her while she was having sex with him or something, I forget.  It was weird.

But anyway, I'm definitely going to try contacting her again.  I miss her like hell.

I don't think I ate before bed.  I think I slept for about eight and a half hours or so.

2012 Pondering on Apocalyptic Dreams

With this entry, I create a new tag:  apocalypse.

I may or may not ever have to use it, but here is some history with me.

Back in maybe 2008 or 2009, I had what felt like a never-ending dream series about the end of the world.  Over and over, I saw how the world could end.  (And even one where I saw "heaven" as a fast-moving sparkling river beneath a cloudless blue sky.)

I have seen rolling electrical blackouts, followed by the earth lighting up in white fire that consumes everyone.  I have seen flooding, humans killing each other, volcanoes,  the sun baking us alive while the moon ices us over, and even one with sea monsters and aliens.  The scariest one involved a meteor heading for the Earth, and no one knowing until it was right about to hit.  I sat down in front of a glass door and watched it come, emotional turmoil raging within me as I had no choice but to accept my imminent death.

This lasted about a year.  It drove me up the wall.  I'd wake up at least once a month having seen a completely unique way for the world to end.  It happened so much that it became a major factor in my life that ate away at my thoughts.

So, it's not that I feel the world will actually end in 2012, but I know I'm paranoid and whether we're doomed or not will not stop my overactive imagination.

I do not know what really caused the original sequence of these dreams.  Inner feelings, obviously, but was it the mere idea of 2012 that did it, or was this on more of a personal, shaken level than all that?

The future will tell.  I mean, I haven't dreamed about a zombie apocalypse yet, so that could be next.  But I'm really out of unique endings to dream about.

So, onward to 2012, we'll see what happens in the happy dream land...

A Belated Set Of Snippets

So, I have not posted since Dec 26, mostly due to lack of interesting / lengthy dreams.  Oh well!  Here's some snippets.

Jerry and I were fighting over cheese that he bought from the grocery store.  I was absolutely aggravated by him buying a cheese that was the wrong kind.  Since it was opened and he'd already eaten some, we could not return it for the right cheese.  So I ripped the package of cheese from his hands and threw it on the ground.  *cue Lonely Island song*


While in real life I would not do this over cheese, there was one time that he spent $8 of my money on a toilet scrubber instead of buying a cheaper option.  ($8 is a lot of freaking money when you're really poor, which we were at the time.)  I did not react well, but it's in the past now, and we have a fancy fucking toilet scrubber.

THE FANCIEST.
(yes, this is the exact one we own.)

image source: Walmart.com

So I can kinda see where maybe this dream had roots. I tend to be a lot angrier in dreams.

I was standing in an open field with a set of train tracks.  I watched one go by.  Large, black, normal train going at a normal speed.


Lame, I know!  I'm only mentioning it because of the recurring theme of trains in my dreams and wanted to document this.

In a clearing was a white building that looked a little decayed and decrepit.  I wandered inside, and found a room with upside staircases and impossible angles.  The M. C. Escher room!  I want in and leaned against a pillar and just studied the room.


I know there was more to this dream, but it's lost now.  I feel that I was hiding from someone, perhaps.

My cousin and I were wanting to hang out.  She and I put on fancy Victorian-esque dresses and get into a horse carriage with my father and set out.  As we pass some shops, Chasity giggles.  We are passing what was essentially a sex shop.  She mentions that they sell the best corsets, and with a jab to my ribs, she says, "Remember?"


This is another one of those dreams that told me I'd had a dream previously, that I am not certain I really did. Or did I?  My conscious mind forgot them, but my subconscious wants me to recall them?

When she asked me if I remembered, I had a mental flashback to a dream I am not sure I had ever really had where I am in the shop, in the space between the walls (wide enough for one person), and I am afraid for my life, like some dark thing is chasing me.

I do not typically have dreams telling me about previous dreams, so this is a little weird to me.  And probably Chasity showed up in my dream is because I do not see her that often, but I just did on Christmas Eve not too long ago.


Well, that's it for me.  I need to get less lazy in my documentation and just post these in the morning right after I have them.  X)